Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
