um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
