I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
