why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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