She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
