When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
