Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
