Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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