I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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