i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
