He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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