I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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