I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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