Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
