Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
