ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
