I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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