You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
