Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
