I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
