i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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