So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
