dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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