Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
