you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
