Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
