i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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