Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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