Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
