I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
