can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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