i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
