how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
