Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
