She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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