I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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