Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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