i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
