Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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