So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
