Ketchup is God's man juice
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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