that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
