listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize