he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
