i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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