I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize