Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
