I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize