when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
