I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
