You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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