he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
