my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
