Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He better not be in your backpack
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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