It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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