i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
