Me too!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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