I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
3 2 1 whiskey
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
