Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
