i would punch a child for taco bell
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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