Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
