the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
