And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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