he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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