The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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You pole danced in your parka.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize