Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
