we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh god it's open bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
