hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
