"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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