I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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