Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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