i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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