great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.