He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's blow job season.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door