At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms