My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.