and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head