I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
