Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently you make a good broom.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
