Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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