I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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