yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
