thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
