you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
