My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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