So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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