i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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