Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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