The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i think my cat just said my name.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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