Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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